Sometimes, when I look at my little V and listen to him babble incomprehensibly, sometimes even repeating the same babbling over and over again, I feel like he is actually saying something, that his babble actually entails some meaning in his own head. It even has the timbre of Icelandic, as his voice goes up and down at just the right places. It sounds like he is speaking. Sometimes, he even looks me directly in the eye, while using his hands as if he is trying to tell me something. The only thing missing are the actual words!
I know he is still young, only turning 3 years old in about 3 months, but most typically developing children are able to make their needs and longings clear by this point, some even speaking in short sentences. Even JA, whose speech development was considered very slow and was even diagnosed with a speech disorder, was able to express himself to a greater degree than V does now.
It is very difficult to watch your child develop, e.g. start saying specific words and then suddenly lose that ability. One day he is pulling your hand and saying “come” in his cute little voice, and then, a few weeks later, that word is no longer in his vocabulary. Around this time last year, V was counting to ten and now, a year later, he has not yet mastered that again. It is heartbreaking to watch and you cannot help but wonder whether he realizes these setbacks himself, whether he realizes his reversed developmental tendencies. And which would be worse, him being completely oblivious or well aware of his limitations? Somehow, I fear the latter would be far worse.
After I watched the autism documentary A Mother’s Courage (which I discussed in my blog post The Sunshine boy and the Golden Hat and highly recommend for everyone), and saw how Keli, the then 11 year old autistic boy who had been diagnosed mentally disabled and with capabilities and understanding of a two year old, finally learned how to express himself. And guess what, Keli, who had been made watch the Teletubbies for years, turned out to be quite the intellectual and capable even beyond his mother’s wildest beliefs – and yet she was the only one who refused to believe the doctors!
Are you beginning to see my line of thought here? I cannot help but wonder if this could be the case with my V. Could he be a prisoner in his own body – his mind fully capable but him not being able to express his thoughts comprehensibly?
A part of V’s diagnosis was a non-verbal IQ test in which he actually made rather good results. In some aspects he was a little behind his age mates and in others he was ahead of them, all in all deemed to have a normal cognitive development – if anything a bit higher than normal. Of course, this was great news and of course, I was thrilled. It meant for increased learning abilities. However, this also made me worried because it indicated an alert mind. And yet, despite his alert mind, he cannot tell us what is going on in this beautiful head of his.
But looking at it from the bright side, he is still quite young and his intervention program will start in a few months – possibly sooner (see my last post of hope). Apparently his cognitive development should not stand in the way and he still has a lot of time to improve his skills, to learn how to express himself, how to translate the expressions of others to understand how others feel, and how to interact socially. It is still too soon to predict how everything will turn out and I guess we have to maintain a positive mindset and keep hoping that everything will work out fine. Until then, I’ll settle with him being happy – and I truly believe he is happy. After all, isn’t that all we want for our children?
V happily playing
Falleg skrif hjá þér elskan mín ♥
Takk elsku Eva
Flott mynd af VI og vonandi nær hann að tjá sig sem allra fyrst. Flott hjá þér Ragga mín:)
Takk Helga mín. Já, við vonum að þetta fari að koma. Og þegar það gerir það, hlakka ég svo til að heyra hvað er að brjótast um í þessum litla sæta meiriháttar krúttlega haus! ;)
My little boy didn’t talk untill he was at least four he has autistic spectrum disorder! He used to babble all the time,but now he’s seven and he is at the age of a 3 year old! He has moderate to servere learning difficulties. But he has started to talk,and has some understanding but he is getting their,I’m just happy that he is in a skool where he is happy! I also have a 3 year old son who has autistic spectrum and he also babbled up untill his 3rd birthday! He is boarder line. All I can say is I thought that my oldest would never do the things that he is doing now but he is! And he is happy except for his sleeping difficulties! I think they all can comunicate in some way and eventually will,its just waiting untill they are ready good luck!
Thank you for sharing this. It is encouraging to hear about other children overcoming this big challenge. It is after all the main (and almost only) generally accepted way of communicating and we really truly do not want our children out of that loop. Hugs, Ragga
Hi again Ragga, my boy only said ba until he was over 4 now at 6 and a half he says everything, not always clearly but it all came so try not to worry for now or worry about other things!
Thanks Louse! :)
I wanted to comment also. My daughter, now 8 and also has PDD as a result to her disability, didn’t talk until she was 4 1/2. She’s still in speech therapy. Her language is slow developing but it is still developing. She still babbles, especially when she’s excited and she’s jumbling her words with her babble. I never thought she would speak. It became frustrating for me and her dad, especially her. I’m sure that with time and the right interventions, your son will learn to make those connections and bridge the gap between his mind and his mouth. It takes time, patience, and most of all faith that he will speak actual words. I know that right now it’s so hard to believe and even at times, feels there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. But you both will get there!
Samantha, thank you so much for sharing this, I truly appreciate it and it is very very encouraging to hear success stories such as your daughter’s and others having a similar problem. I hope you are all very right and that his babble will turn into something coherent. Thanks so much :)
Eins og þú segir sjálf er númer eitt að hann sé hamingjusamur, númer tvö er að hann á frábærustu foreldra í heimi. Þið munuð alltaf gera allt til þess að fá alla þá hjálp sem hann þarf og það mun leiða til þess að hann mun finna leið til þess að tjá sig. Hann hefur þetta í sér, hann er búinn að sýna það.
Þú ert nú sjálf ein glaðasta manneskja sem ég hef hitt og þessar elskur endurspegla það:) Þú tekur þetta brosandi á hnefanum alla leið.
Inga, þú ert yndi! Takk ♥
Ragga,
I love your post and your ‘greatest fear’ is a concern I hear about from many parents. That is why I recently wrote a post with nine tips for parents in this situation to consider http://parentcoachingforautism.com/2012/04/non-verbal-child-with-autism/
Never give up hope for V (he is adorable). Stories like those of Keli are very inspiring and very possible.
Connie
It’s good to know we are not alone although I don’t wish this upon anyone… but I guess we are many out there that share the same fears. Thanks for the tips…
I read this blog post and had to send you a hug. My boys are now 8 and 9. Both are so unique. Fun and different in there own way. Watching the loss of skills and language was hard but with a lot of love and therapy. There has been amazing changes. My 9 year old now speaks again when I heard he may not speak but my 8 year old still feels blocked. Because of my 9 year old I know that hope is never lost no matter how hard and long the journey is. We have been through hell and back with a unsupportive community but everything we have gone through has been worth it. Every time we gain back a skill or I see some glimse of improvement I feel like my kids have moved mountains. My 8 year old started requesting hugs last year by opening his arms. Still no words but the simple action makes tears come to my eyes. I just wanted to share with you this cause it’s so hard to know the feature. But the journey we are on is one that is a wild one. The road a long one. There are days the fear takes hold and it becomes a sad one. But with others making the same journey it doesn’t have to be a journey we take alone. Your blog touched me. Keep the fath everyday. Lots of hugs and love
Meli
Thank you Meli for sharing your story and encouraging me. Hugs, Ragga
Elsku Ragga, Júlíus, JÁ og V.
Fylgist með litlu frændum mínum og dáist að foreldrunum. Með ykkar styrk og stuðningi ná litlu kútarnir framförum. Sendum ykkur styrkjandi strauma og knús yfir hafið.
Hulda og co.
Takk Hulda mín – gott að vita af góðum straumum yfir hafið ;)